These Days of Chaos

I sit alone in the dark. It’s not often I get these moments.



My life is filled with utter chaos most days and getting any time to bask in the quiet of the day is unheard of. But, yet, I sit here and I can’t quite put my finger on what it would be like to live without that chaos. The noise. The laughter. The squabbles between siblings. The tears and the love. I hope and I pray that when my babes are grown and the noise comes to an end that I will remember these days of chaos. These days when I longed to be still and quiet will seem like a lifetime away.

Life is a journey and not a destination. Someone told me that once or perhaps I read it somewhere. This journey through Motherhood is filled with ups and downs. And, just when I think I have things figured out they get all turned around again. I do not know all the answers. I am not a perfect Mom.  But, what I know for sure is that I am perfectly ok with both of those things.

I sit here in the still of the night and I wonder. What if I didn’t have all this?  Who would I be?

The truth is that Motherhood has taught me so many things. It’s taught me resiliency. When I’m too exhausted to cuddle a sick babe in the night,  resiliency kicks in and I’m there with a cozy blanket and warm lap. It’s taught me unconditional love. When I lose my cool with my littles and raise my voice, there’s a little hand pulling at my pant leg saying “I love you Mommy”. Motherhood has taught me gratitude. I know so many women who long for what I have. They long for those 3 am feedings, the dirty diapers piled up like a mountain around them. They long for the sweet, tender kiss of a 3 year old or the sweet smell of a newborn baby.

And, so I sit here in the quiet. Wishing that this chaos lasts another day. Hoping that I survive it and bask in all its gloriousness.

I sit here and I’m grateful because I am resilient and filled with unconditional love for these babes that I get to call my own.


I'm a Stay At Home Momma learning to navigate all the CRAZINESS that goes along with it! I have 4 kids, including 4 year old twin boys, and I've learned to live a HAPPY and HEALTHY life.

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